Limbic Street to Memory Lane. Romance of the Lost Souls

by

Jimmy Webb

At last, daylight. Calvin could breathe again. With his tie now loose, he threw an over-shoulder squint at the building, the institution that had swallowed him and so many others for years. Pastel halls, pastel people, all so very neutral. Mundane meetings with note scribbles, assessments, pens tapping on coffee-stained desks. Clock watching, people watching – anything to whittle away long days, rocking on chairs to their hearts discontent. Practised jargon, practised smiles, same faces, same chat. Urgh. There had to be more to life, away from the others. He knew he wasn’t the same as them, trapped in their routines, slaves to the daily grind.

He thought about Lacey, his only true friend there, and the day she offered her company as he stood banging the coffee machine. Yesterday’s Calvin would have accepted. Today’s Calvin wanted time alone.

A stroll through the park would help, where nature held onto existence, resisting the looming concrete. He could perch up in the shade with a coffee. A proper one with a fancy name. A Frappomaccochino or something. Not too hot, with a drop of honey, topped with a mysterious creamy swirl of deliciousness. And a bagel, or croissant maybe. Chocolate or apple oozing out with each bite.

He escaped the grounds, gardens trying too hard to be pretty, like a face caked in makeup, a big cheesy smile, overly inviting, overly friendly.

He took a moment at the road, Limbic Street, the divide between darkness and light. The low hum of traffic already provided a reprieve. Reality passed back and forth on the fringes of his sanity. The world in motion.

At the park, he rubbed under his screwed-up nose, the freshly cut grass bringing both pleasure and discomfort. Slow, controlled breathing, a walking meditation. Using the healing powers of nature, he tilted his head back to feel the midday sun and open breeze on his face, when, Bam!

‘I’m so sorry. Are you okay?’ said the voice, soft, assuring, but that carried above the birdsong and duck squawk, the Mum chatter and baby talk.

‘No, no, I’m sorry. I should have been…’

The two faces froze, brows furrowed.

‘Calvin?’

‘Jennifer? It’s so good to see you. What are you doing here?’

‘I live just past Fantasy, that nightclub, and I so needed a break from my computer screen. Wow. How strange. I’ve looked for you on social media. Not in a stalker way.’

‘I don’t bother with that rubbish.’

‘I should’ve known. Hey, you got time for a catch up? There’s a bench over there with our names on.’

How could he resist his first love? His only love. The girl who moved to his town when they were twelve. The girl he secretly doted on throughout high school. The girl who eventually plucked him from the depths of the friend zone, when he lost his spots and glasses, and grew muscles.

Jennifer stroked Calvin’s cropped hair and said, ‘I miss those curls.’

‘Too eighties,’ he quipped, praying she wouldn’t mention the balding. He then smirked at the wisp that still hung near her right eye, that she would tuck behind her ear. ‘The years have been kinder to you. You haven’t changed a bit. As beautiful as ever.’

‘Still a charmer, eh?’ she said, with a laugh that had always infected Calvin. She leaned closer. ‘Remember our first date? At Jasper’s Theme Park?’

‘How could I not? Such a shame it closed down.’

‘Yeah. That place holds so many childhood memories.’

He held her gaze, and softly said, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘For what?’

‘The argument. Everything.’

‘No. I didn’t help matters.’

‘But I should’ve let it go. It was the stress from work. And I should have been concentrating. Watching where I was—’

‘We don’t have to talk about it,’ she said, resting her hand on his cheek.

Noise distracted him. Dogs barking. Laughing. People staring. Always staring. Talking, rushing, looking, walking, running, talking, looking, rushing. ‘Let’s go,’ he blurted, then took her hand and stood.

‘What? Where?’

‘Jaspers. Memory lane.’

Jennifer studied his face. He assumed it was to see if he was serious, but hoped it was more to just study his face.

‘Don’t you have to get back to—’

‘They won’t miss me.’

‘Is your car close?’

‘I haven’t driven since…. Besides, it’ll be a nice walk.’

Woodland wrapped around the small theme park, hiding it from the world. They crouched through a narrow archway of bramble to a hole in the chain-link fencing. Calvin crawled through first, then held the chain open for Jennifer.

‘I feel like a schoolgirl again,’ she giggled.

Calvin stood tall, chest out, offering his arm, his best gentlemanly pose, and said, ‘Where to, my lady? The Big Wheel or the Dodgems? Or would a nice teddy from the coconut shy tickle your fancy? My treat.’

‘Ooh. You’re spoiling me. Hey, remember where we had our first kiss?’

‘Of course. Next to the Dodgems. Seems like yesterday.’ Jennifer’s suggestive nod needed no further prompts.

‘Your chariot awaits.’

They walked in comfortable silence, absorbing their surroundings. Over the years, Hale Wood had almost digested Jasper’s Park. Overgrown trees blocked out sunlight. Roots cracked concrete and clung to objects, like they were feeding off the once-popular theme park, draining its life. Jasper’s ghosts were plain to see. Stalls stood uncovered, abandoned. Rides froze mid pose, long given up their anxious wait for the power to surge back on. Souls forever lost. Rigor mortis developed.

Calvin touched Jennifer’s arm. ‘You okay?’

‘I’m a bit overwhelmed to be honest. I’m sad to see this place the way it is, but it’s like there’s a mystery to it. A romance. And I still have the same jittery feeling in my belly as when I came here as a kid. I bet you bring all the girls here.’

‘Only the ones I bump into in the park who I fall in love with again.’ He winced inside. The Jennifer of old would have been a sucker for a line like that, but what if she had changed? What if she cringed and made her excuses and left?

‘I never stopped loving you.’

And there it was. He was back in a time when nothing else mattered, young and smitten. A time where he’d find those little notes in his sandwiches at work. The ones that evoked a content smile, but were too gushy to show witnessing colleagues. The unrushed walks to the cafe by the seafront every Sunday morning. How he would never begin eating meals without her sitting at the table, no matter where they were or who they were with, and how they always opened one present each on Christmas Eve; her wrapped in her Nan’s knitted blanket, all cosy. He never forgot the year she unwrapped the ring – a plastic one, only temporary of course. That ring did not leave her finger. If only he had got round to replacing it. That would have eased his conscience when she left him that day. The day of the argument.

He took her hand. The left one. He glanced at the Dodgems, then the ground, then with a knowing smile, held her gaze. ‘This is the spot.’

They moved closer, and Calvin embraced her perfume and warm breath before he explored her mouth like it was their first kiss.

‘Well, you’ve certainly improved,’ Jennifer said, ‘been practising with anyone?’

‘Yeah, the mirror. Come on, I want to show you something.’

‘Don’t get any ideas. I’m not that kind of girl.’ Her face didn’t mean it. And he would have loved to relive their wild passion, but didn’t want to ruin the moment. He wanted to savour it.

He led her to a looking tower and pointed to the base.

‘What? You don’t think I’m climbing up there, do you?’

‘No, look closer.’ Various etchings decorated the wooden frame. One inside a neat heart read, JEN + CAL.

She gasped, ‘I don’t even remember doing that.’ She found a sharp stone on the floor, and underneath the heart, etched, TOGETHER AGAIN.

Calvin barely noticed. Staring into the distance, his hand tensed on hers. Jennifer tried to pull him closer, but he stayed rigid.

‘Look. They’ve come for me,’ he said, gesturing to a man and a woman. ‘Time’s flown. I must’ve been gone ages.’

‘Who’s come for you?’

He said nothing, thoughtful, seeking for options. Maybe escape up the looking tower together, bolting the door shut, or pretend he hadn’t seen them, venture deeper into Jasper’s, and hold on to her for as long as possible.

‘I should head back,’ he sighed. Back to pastel walls and pastel faces, assessments, searching for light in dark places, friendly chats by day, alone with thoughts by night. Back to echoed wails of anguish and screams of laughter rolled into one. Back to the institution. ‘I don’t want this to end. Wanna walk with me?’

Jennifer glanced around Jasper’s. ‘I think I’d like to stay for a while, you know, reacquaint. We could meet tomorrow? Same place? Same time?’

The waiting man and woman kept their distance. A middle-aged man, kind-faced, forbearing, squinting into the afternoon sun, and a young lady, fresh out of Uni, yet to be hardened by the trials of life.

Calvin tightened his tie as he walked to them, turning to watch Jennifer go deeper into Jasper’s Park, candescent among its pallid ghosts.

The man grinned in sympathy to his glossy-eyed young colleague.

‘Does he meet her every day?’ she asked.

‘Every day.’

She smiled. But then it faded. ‘He was driving, wasn’t he?’

The man slowly nodded. ‘Yes. Heart breaking, isn’t it? Every patient has a story.’