And there she was. My old flame, on the dance floor with her pals, strutting her stuff as always, all eyes on her and her knowing it.

Marley tapped my paw and nodded towards her.

‘I know,’ I said, all cool. ‘I’m gonna give it a try.’

‘Ha! You’ve got no chance.’

‘Ha! You have no idea.’ I challenged him: ‘Not afraid of the competition, are ya?’

He growled at me, then perhaps sensing my quiet confidence, said, ‘It’s your round, anyway.’

‘Nah mate,’ I said. ‘It’s Copper’s.’

‘He’s outside digging. Must be the bone he lost last week. Can’t help himself. He can go after you.’

‘Yeah right. I’ll wait. My bowl’s still half full, anyways.’

No way was I going anywhere. She’d been giving me the eye on the sly. We’d still be together if it weren’t for that dog pound. Couldn’t wait, could she? Had to move south of the river. Waitrose bins are better than Aldi’s, I guess.

It was pointless wasting more time, so I swaggered over, head up, chest out like a pedigree. With every step in her direction, I examined those sultry eyes, that tiny waste, the beautiful golden orange fur, all exotic. I started to lose it each step closer I got. Jelly legs and dizzy head, but there was no going back. I wouldn’t have lived it down.

She pretended not to see me, with a flick of her head and a giggle to her pals, but when her lipstick came out, so did mine.

‘Hey Sadie.’ Straight in front of her. No messing.

‘Hey Franko,’ she said, acting coy as you like.

I knew it. I licked that face like it was covered in peanut butter.

‘Woah. Okay.’ She cleared her throat, and straightened herself up. ‘Well. You’ve certainly improved at kissing.’

‘I’ve been practising in the mirror.’ I checked back to my pack. Copper had returned. He’d found his bone, which was now on the floor because of his gaping jaw. In fact, they were all staring at us.

‘Hey Big Boy,’ said Sadie. ‘Forget those pups. I’m right here.’

I turned to her and said, ‘Fancy going somewhere? For old time’s sake?’

She sniffed my rear. ‘First, what have you eaten?’

‘I found a chicken and bacon melt behind Subway. Made my poo lumpy but was proper nice. I stashed half of it, if ya fancy it.’

‘You always knew how to win me over, Franko. Let’s go.’

Man, my tail went loopy. I spun in circles so fast I got all dizzy again. But uh oh. That look on her face. I’d seen it before.

‘Don’t do that again,’ she gnarled.

‘Nuff said.’ I lunged in for another kiss for the road, but our bloody collars had their own ideas.

‘Franko, your chain’s caught on my...’

‘Yeah, one sec, just...’

‘No wait. You...’

‘Unclip your pendant. It’s twisted on...’

‘Franko, they’re all staring at us.’

My pack were loving this.

When we eventually got free, she spun around and headed for the door, nose in the air, back side doing its thing. Bomp shwing, bomp shwing. I’d blown it big time.

She looked back and called, ‘You coming or what?’

Man, I was by her side quicker than a whippet. ‘You’re some bitch, Sadie.’

‘Yeah. Don’t you forget it.’